divorce

I’m not a big fan of lawyers because they usually need to be hired when things are going
wrong and in my opinion, only add to the misery. The retainer alone for a typical divorce is
between $2,500 - $5,000 dollars, just to get the ball rolling.

When you go through a divorce, your finances are going to take a huge hit, even when you
don’t take into consideration the fifteen grand the attorneys milk out of you. And finances are
often the cause of marital turmoil in the first place, so divorce only compounds the problem.

A recent pole was conducted on what topic most couples fight about the most often. Well of
course money, or lack there of, won the pole. And it wasn’t even close!

Fighting and worrying about money are the two most destructive things couples practice with
religious regularity in most marriages. Every fight or worry takes a bite out of the relationship
and leaves it’s mark until there’s so much bitterness and hatred for the other person, it would
be impossible to ever reconcile the marriage even if the lack of money suddenly no longer
existed.

Lack of money can be a temporary thing, but the caustic emotions and venomous insults
hurled at one another during the experience can last a lifetime and be impossible to recover
from. I suppose it’s possible but I’ve certainly never seen it done.

With this in mind and assuming for the moment you have not crossed these invisible
boundaries, here are three things to consider when a woman decides to entertain the
discussion of dwindling finances with her man:

One - Believe in him. More than just about anything, men crave your support. Especially if
you are having difficulty with your finances and things are not going exactly as planned. The
absolute last thing he needs is a critic, he already knows things aren’t as they should be. He
knows he’s stumbling and in danger of losing sight of his hopes and dreams, he certainly
doesn’t need you piling on. He needs your support and encouragement. If he sees you have
lost faith in his ability to provide, he will quit, his spirit will be completely and utterly broken
and there will be no chance of pulling out of this downward financial spiral.

Two - Be kind. Men are fragile creatures whether you want to believe that or not. If you
disagree with a course of action your man has taken and you think you have a route that may
lead to a better result, try and guide him back on course instead of being forthright and
critical. Remember how you treat a new friend when your opinions differ and how diplomatic
and considerate you are of that person’s feelings, your man deserves the same respect. And
limit your criticisms to the things that really matter. If everything he does bothers you, why are
you with him in the first place? Perhaps it’s time for a self evaluation.
Three - Be tolerant. Your man is not a work in progress, quit trying to change and mold him
into something he’s not. Accept him for who he is and encourage his interest and needs,
even if they seem immature or a waste of time and money. Men need alone time as well as
time with their guy friends. Just as you need to get your nails and hair done every two weeks,
he needs to golf or have a beer or two with his buddies on a regular basis.

Trying to change a mans behavior is an absolutely horrible and cruel thing to do. You would
not want him to consider you a “diamond in the rough” and constantly try to polish and shape
you into his ideal version of what he thinks you should be, would you? If his behaviors are a
complete turn off and are financially ruining you, once again I ask, why are you with him in the
first place?

These three considerations will go a long way in smoothing out some of the relationship
bumps, but if you are no longer able to even consider any of these suggestions, maybe it is
time to consider calling it quits. Divorce ain’t cheap though. It’s emotionally and financially
devastating to both people involved and should be considered carefully.

When it comes to fixing a broken relationship, one must ask themselves, “how much work am I
prepared to do to put the pieces back together again?”

If you find yourself pondering that question for any length of time, there may be nothing you
can do. Why? Because a relationship, or more importantly, strengthening a relationship,
should not be viewed upon as work.

I know all the experts say that relationships take work, and in fact, the majority of them do.
But you must remind yourself of a time when your relationship was new and how you felt
during the first blossoming of that powerful emotion, LOVE.

At that time, how much work were you actually doing in the relationship? The answer is,
absolutely none.

Think about if for a moment. If it required work to fall in love, how many of us would actually
set about doing it? The answer is, no one would.

Here is a list of the first ten synonyms listed for the word work in the most comprehensive
Thesaurus in print today: Labor, toil, exertion, effort, slavery, sweat, drudgery, grind, travail,
chore…

Not my idea of falling in love. Here’s my recollection of how I felt when I fell in love for the first
time: Warmth, passion, excitement, longing, delight, attachment, desire…

You do not work towards any of those feelings and emotions, and, if you no longer think of
these things when you look into your partners eyes, it may be to late to salvage what once
was.

If, however, the once passionate fire has died down but there is still evidence of an ember or
a spark or two, it is not to late to fan the flames of desire back into a towering inferno of love!

Pardon the metaphors, but I want you to get a sense of the emotions that have to be involved
for a relationship to actually, dare I say it, work.

I want you to try an exercise for me and I want you to answer the following question with as
much honesty as you can muster:

When you think about your partner, what are the first eight defining words that come to mind?

Go ahead, take a moment or two and write down the first words that come to mind when you
ask yourself that question. It’s important not to “think” to hard about this because your
rational mind will try and make excuses for what you may actually be feeling and you will be
left with an inaccurate picture of your relationship.
Now, look at the words you have written down and put them into one of two categories. Good
feelings and emotions or Bad feelings and emotions.

I think you have some idea already of how you feel about your relationship and if you have
more words in the Bad column than you do in the Good column, I would consider long and
hard just why you are still in the relationship. It is extremely difficult to work at “feeling”
differently and your fire may have long since died out.

If however, you still have many good things to say about you partner and you can recognize
that it just may be your life that’s getting in the way of love, happiness and fulfillment, you
actually have a great chance at rekindling that love.

You need help though. Even the most passionate relationships can use a splash of fuel from
time to time to keep the fires burning. There are many resources and experts out there that
you can choose from to provide you and your partner with high octane ideas that will help
keep your relationship hot and steamy.

Without a doubt, Dr. Michael Webb is the best and most well known relationship expert on
the planet today. He has appeared on more than 500 radio and television talk shows,
including Oprah, and has been featured in practically every major newspaper in the United
States!

I own every book and program he has authored and I strongly urge you to check them out as
well. It’s not to late to fix that broken relationship, especially if all the parts are still there.
Some assembly may be required, but don’t look at it as work, look at it as opportunity!

DIVORCE DECISION...THINGS TO CONSIDER

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